“Q. How many producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the songwriter.”

From Reddit
“Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change? I’m not changing sh*t.”

TaylorFrank “Q: why did the waveform go to the dentist?
A: because he had a saw tooth.”

Howard107 “Q: Why did the compressor go to the doctor? A: Because it had a soft knee!”

What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
“Will the defendant please rise?”

A vocalist walked past a liquor store.

Old but still a good one:

- What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
- A drummer.

How do you get a guitarist to be quiet? Put sheet music in front of him.

How do you get a singer to be quiet? Take away the mirror.

How do you get the bass player to be quiet? Wait a minute….we have a bass player?

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.

Q: What happens when you play the blues backwards?
A: You get your wife and job back.

Keep it coming, you guys. Flippin’ hilarious!

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A: Evidently all of them.

ow come the sine wave didn’t see the compressor coming? Because it had a quick attack!

Why did the compressor go to the doctors? Because he had a soft knee!!!

Any one else want to throw some out there? I know there bad but I thought I needed to spread my love of shit jokes.

Q: What has broken legs & floats down the river?
A: People who tell Sinatra jokes.

Q: Why do fanatics say Frank Sinatra isn’t dead?
A: Because he’s just a little stiff from an overdose of Viagra!

Q: How did Frank Sinatra die?
A: Stranglers in the night!

Q: What’s grey and hairy and won’t be worn this Xmas?
A: Old Blue Eye’s wig!

Q: What did the Grim Reaper say to St. Peter before visiting Frank.
A: Hey, I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse…

Q: How did Frank Sinatra punish his kids?
A: No ice in their drinks.

Q: What did Frank Sinatra say when he fell into the sewer?
A: Lotta doo doo!

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/cel...

How can you tell if a singer’s at your door? They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb. One. She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping? Because he was Baroque.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument? With a tuba glue.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God? God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar. “Sorry,” the barman said. “We don’t serve minors.”

What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone’s relieved when the case is closed.

A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. He walks into a music shop and says, “I’ll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion.” After a second, the shop assistant says, “OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays.”

Q:How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Did you hear about the Tenor who was so arrogant the other Tenors noticed?

Q: What’s the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There’s a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: What’s the difference between a bull and a band?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back.

Checkout this humorous on stage orchestral mishap

What do you call a piano player from south of Orlando?

The Florida keys.

whats the difference between a recording enineer and a stuck up pompus ass??….

Why is music like ice skating?

If you don’t Csharp, you will B flat.

How to Write a Country Song (In 5 Minutes or Less)

Found this story link in a Sweetwater newsletter.

More Fog!

Eric Askew – SweetCare Content Specialist

I had a gig on Halloween that was about two hours away and that featured my band as the main act. It was a bar with an approximate capacity of 100–150 people that had a relatively big light setup, including a fog machine located somewhere on the lighting truss behind my drum kit. The first song went off without a hitch. The band was getting into it, and the crowd was loving us!

And then, disaster struck. About a quarter of the way through the second song, I heard a loud hiss. My bassist heard me starting to mess up, turned around, and noticed I was missing. All he saw were my long arms rising above the fog, trying to hit my drums.

The fog machine broke and wouldn’t stop emitting fog. It got so bad that we couldn’t see the power cord to unplug it, and there was no way I’d stand on my drum throne to find the power button. The only thing we could do at that point was to wait until it ran out of juice.

Everyone was told to evacuate until the room could clear out. It took about 15–20 minutes before we could start playing again. Not many people came back, so when we restarted there were about 20 people left. Luckily, the bar owner was gracious enough to let us play our entire set and not cut it short. Fog machines still haunt me to this day.

This story hit home. A similar incident happen to me on stage in the 1990s. I was designated the fog master general responsible for turning the fog machine on and off. The on/off switch stuck in the on position. Chaos ensued until the machine was unplugged and the club cleared out. Happily, I was relieved of fog machine command.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of them.