I like the vocal treatments here.
I like the way that you achieve a kind of vidgame fun to your dynamics of presentation. Yet the whole thing works imperfectly for me, because it is, as you note, perhaps a bit loud. I like loud/noise, too (though for some reason I seem to often record things quietly). I think, though, that you could bring the levels down a bit and it would work better. Still, an interesting approach to this spoken word track.