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Driving Back From Xmas

uploaded: Tue, Dec 28, 2021 @ 5:23 AM
FeaturingMartijn & Javolenus
Recommends (7)
Just a bit of fun!

Thanks to Martijn and Javolenus for a great ride. Chopped their mix about a bit but the quality of their work still shines through

I’ve been home for xmas just like Chris Rea advised
I wore my reindeer jumper but I was still cool inside
I met my long lost relations and people I didn’t recognise
Aunts and uncles barely related cousins and a girl with a twinkle in her eye

I had a bagful of presents and a few spare just incase
I should meet a long lost companion from the days when I loved this place
And from the moment I got there to the moment I got away
I played the part of another man with a whacky smile upon my face

And uncle John was his usual self hands always out of control
Didn’t matter what sex you were he’d find a way inside your clothes
And noone felt they should report him it was just his yuletide game
But I came close when he used mayonaise and nearly destroyed my good name

The food was just the usual fayre and some had seen better days
I chewed on turkey cooked far past its best but I ate it anyway
And if the gravy was provided to the military I’m sure
It would frighten off the hardest men and put the end to war

We shared our presents and we thanked the givers despite the fact it all looked crap
I gave a can opener to aunty Ginger and I could tell she wanted to give it back
Despite our offerings noone came to blows except for cousin Mike
Who’d been given boxing gloves by his sister in law because he was always fighting with his wife

The girl who had a twinkle in her eye I was reliably assured she’d been a man
But in an age of toleration I still kissed her when the fun began
Card games, Monopoly, snakes and ladders and trivial pursuits
I played them all but my grandma cheated she was a woman of ill repute

Before the sun set some had left for home and I announced I would do the same
People said I should stay a little longer but I’d had enough for one day
So waving goodbye I left and hit the road to the sound of Roy Woods xmas hit
He wanted xmas to be everday but once a year was enough for this kid

"Driving Back From Xmas"
by Radioontheshelf

2021 - Licensed under
Creative Commons
Attribution Noncommercial (3.0)

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